![]() You can’t just have one person take on everything and for it to still work.” Kelly Vogler, Advocate Against Abuse You need two people to be on board with that. It is still his decision to make a marriage work. Someone had to eventually tell me, “Kelly, you know you can do all that, but at the end of the day, it is still his choice. Victims of Emotional Abuse Deserve To Be Respected Listen to this week’s podcast and read the full transcript below to hear her story of strength, courage, and empowerment. Kelly courageously fought hard to discern the truth from the lies, and eventually separated herself from the abuse and found safety and healing. At the end of the day, it’s just not right. That is manipulative, controlling behavior, and it doesn’t matter what they’re trying to cover up or what sort of diagnosis they may or may not have officially on a paper there. At the end of the day, that is not a healthy relationship. While compassion is a wonderful trait that women often have in spades, safety is necessary for survival and must be the number one priority of abuse victims.Īt the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if (he has) that diagnosis or not. BTR Teaches “Safety First” For Victims of Abuse Regardless of why he chooses to be abusive, women deserve safety. Some women may find that if their abuser receives a diagnosis, it may seem more compassionate to justify or minimize his abusive behavior. While some abusers may be diagnosed with various mental disorders and/or illnesses, many are not. “…We as victims, through no fault of our own, because we’re caring, compassionate, kind people, (can be) run in circles…” Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery Whether He Has a Diagnosis Or Not, Lying Is Emotionally Abusive Women will often look to their own personality traits, schedules, perceived faults and flaws, family stresses, including financial or extended family relational issues, and try to pinpoint the reason that their partner is behaving in such an intolerably, cruel and confusing way. ![]() ![]() Women deserve support and safety: join the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group today. Emotional Abuse, Including Lying, Is Never The Victim’s Fault He is fully accountable for his decisions to lie and manipulate. The responsibility lies completely with the abuser. Tragically, many victims, in attempting to make sense out of a chaotic situation, blame themselves for his lies and other abusive behaviors. I had it in my head that I was overly controlling and so he was feeling pressured and embarrassed and that’s why he would hide things because I was just too controlling or putting too much pressure on him. This was not just us going through a difficult time. Kelly Vogler, Advocate Against Abuse Emotional Abusers Are Accountable For Their Behaviors I never had any bruises or anything like that, so while I knew things weren’t good and it was a very difficult relationship, I thought that’s all it was. In my mind, I had always known abuse to be something that involved physical violence and that was not at play at all in my marriage. Many women report that they didn’t realize that they were being abused for years, even decades.įierce advocate for victims of abuse, Kelly Vogler, suffered devastating emotional and psychological abuse for years, hidden carefully by the lies and manipulation of her abusive husband: Emotional Abusers Use Lying and Manipulation to Keep Victims Confused ![]() The vortex of confusion that surrounds a relationship that is governed by an abuser’s manipulation tactics leave victims severely handicapped in their abilities to recognize reality. Tragically, lies and manipulation make emotional abuse even harder for women to identify. Lies and Manipulation Make Emotional Abuse Difficult to Identify Gaslighting, to keep the victim unsure of her reality and to protect his emotionally abusive and sexually perverse behaviors. Manipulation to deflect and protect other behaviors that they had promised to stop engaging in, or perhaps have never disclosed to the victim before at all. Lies told to cover up sexual acting-out such as infidelity, and pornography use. Often, women relate that one of the most painful and damaging aspects of emotional abuse are the unrelenting lies, manipulation, and gaslighting. Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
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